This is such a thoughtful, moving piece. I identified with it all. I have made a bad mistake recently in my efforts to stop all this - I listened to someone who is supposed to be a therapist and he was saying about the mistake that 'restricting' is. So I stopped restricting and filled my house with all the things I usually don't let over the doorstep. All that's happened is that I'm more overweight now than I've been for ages. So I'm back to the restricting again ...

Anyway - you're a star, Mary!