That haunting was the learning. Attitudes like these are engrained in us from very early on - there is always a difficult or startling transition phase - for example, some girlfriends of mine were convinced they'd never suffered any sexual absuse at all, ever, when #metoo came around - but it was the way they'd been 'taught' to think. After being haunted by the idea for a while they started to realise they had, in fact, been sexually abused. It is a very unusual female who has not. But I still see some determined to maintain that no, nothing like that has ever happened to them (some I know who have, that is). So, anyway - thank you for being haunted.